PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK:

1). Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer "No."

Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

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2) Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."

Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

--------------------------------------------------

3).Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer:: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer: "No..."

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4).Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"

Tech Support:: ?!%#$

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5).Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

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6) Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"

Customer:: "A white one."

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7). Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."

Customer:: "How do you spell that?"

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8). Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"

Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."

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9). Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"

Customer: "Pentium."

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10). Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

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11).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."

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12).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

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13). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

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14). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

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15). Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support:: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

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16). A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.

Letme know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User: MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.

Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?

User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

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17) customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Dear All,

A few weeks ago, in a cinema, a person felt something poking from her seat. When she got up to see what it was, she found a needle sticking out of the seat with a note attached saying "You have just been infected by HIV (AIDS)".

The Disease Control Center (in Paris ) reports many similar events in many other cities recently. All tested needles were HIV Positive. The Center also reports that needles have been found in cash dispensers (ATM) at public banking machines. We ask everyone to use extreme caution when faced with this kind of situation. All public chairs/seats should be inspected with vigilance and caution before use. A careful visual inspection should be enough. In addition, they ask that each of you pass this message along to all members of your family and your friends of the potential danger.

Recently, one doctor has narrated a somewhat similar instance that happened to one of his patients at the Praia Cinema in Delhi . A young girl engaged and about to be married in a couple of months, was pricked while the movie was going on. The tag with the needle had the message : "Welcome to the World of HIV family". Though the doctors told her family that it takes about 6 months before the virus grows strong enough to start damaging the system and a healthy victim could survive about 5-6 years, the girl died in 4 months, perhaps more because of the "Shock thought". We all have to be careful at public places, rest God help! Just think about saving a life by forwarding this message. Please, take a few seconds of your time to pass along.

Remember ... to pass this on to everyone you know... Probably your mail can help save a life.

the world will end-- but not in what's the revelation had revealed (specifically the rise of an anti christ).
earth will die in many ways. some are the following ways:
1. Global warming
2. collision with near earth object
3. supervolcano
etc etc etc
earth's death is inevitable. it could happen on our generation, or in millions of years to come. but fact is, it is inevitable.
My reason:
note 1: by science, future is as real as present and past
note 2: law of physics proves time travelling is possible-- moving forward or backward in time (visit wiki for time traveling topic)
now, question is: why are we not having some known and legit time travellers (tourists from future)? Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) student called for time travellers convention (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7760879/) , no legit one appeared.
my reason: nobody is coming from the future. earth will die before people can invent the time machine (specifically machine that will bring them back in time).

Ever pull someone's finger and hear a weird noise come out of his or her butt?

Ever sit in a tub of water and see bubbles come out of your hiney?

This strange noise and vibrating sensation that came from your butt is most likely caused by a fart.

A fart is a combination of gases (nitrogen, carbon dioxide, oxygen, methane, and hydrogen sulfide) that travels from a person's stomach to their anus. When a person swallows too much air or eats foods that the human digestive system cannot digest easily gas becomes trapped in his/her stomach. The only way for this excess gas to exit the body is through the anus.

The gas that makes your farts stink is the hydrogen sulfide gas. This gas contains sulfur which causes farts to have a smelly odor. The more sulfur rich your diet, the more your farts will stink. Some foods that cause really smelly farts include: beans, cabbage, cheese, soda, and eggs.

A scientific name for a fart is flatus or flatulence.

The word fart is just one of many different terms used to describe the release of gasses from the human body. Other popular names for farts or farting include: gassers, stinkers, air biscuits, bombers, barking spiders, rotten eggs, and wet ones. You can pass gas, break wind, blast, beef, poof, rip one, let one fly, step on a duck, and cut the cheese.

Farts can be stinky, wet, loud, or silent but deadly. Pee-eeew!!!
Did you know?

* On the average, a healthy person farts 16 times a day.
* Hey guys, don't be fooled by girls who tell you that they never fart. Everyone farts, including girls. In fact, females fart just as much as males.
* Many animals fart too. Cats, dogs, and cows. Elephants fart the most.
* People fart the most in their sleep.
* Farts that contain a large amount of methane & hydrogen can be flammable.

LET's FART!

i Love Country songs.

And its so great to met one good songwriter, composer and singer here in Dada.

user: joemack

http://www.dada.net/joemack/

Visit his page for some cool country rhythm :)

And here we have an extensive run down of the goings on in a man's head.....

 Agree or disagree chicks and chaps.....??

 MANS ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question

8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to

13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next 3 mins.

14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to have sex with you.

15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

Hmm...I wonder if this will sound familiar to any of the women (and men) out there!!

Do ya'll agree or disagree with the following deciphering of a womans brain.....?????

 WOMANS ENGLISH
 

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want..

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = I need to complain

7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead

11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

13. You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive

15. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

16. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

17. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like

THESE ARE EXAMPLE of that STUPID NIGERIAN SCAM LETTERS. (Read How STUPID it is)

EXAMPLE NUMBER 1:

BLOG NOTIFICATION!!!!!
HEAD OFFICE/HUMAN RELATIONS DEPARTMENT
GLOMOBILE TELECOMMUNICATION PLC,
WWW.GLOWORLD.COM
THE GLO CONSUMER ONLINE GLOBAL PROMOTIONS
DATE:10TH MAY 2007
OUR REF:GLO/07/44/09
ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY,
We merrily announce to you that you were luckily selected as the 2nd batch winner in our GLO ONLINE CONSUMER LEAGUE PROMOTIONS held on this day.
This promotion included a ballot draw in which email addresses drawn from over 60,000 email hosts,blogs and web pages from the seven continents of the world were attached to Ticket numbers.
Your blog id attached to lucky ticket number:GLO/67/44/07 was picked by our balloting machine,thereby emerging the 2nd winner for this year's promotions.
You are therefore legible to the claim sum of $840,000usd to be paid in full as soon as proper verifications are carried out.
Please note that this is not a lottery sweepstake or windfall and due to the high rate of internet scams, The Management of GLO MOBILE wishes to inform you that this promotional programme is open to proper scrutiny and investigations.Also you are warned not to reveal your winning particulars to any third party of any form until your dividends are paid to you in full.This is a security measaure against misuse of this programme.
To begin your claim, please contact our O.S.A. agent On TELEPHONE +2347037814012 OR EMAIL:wolesoyinka.glomobilepromo@gmail.com (contact person,PROFESSOR WOLE SOYINKA ).Remember to quote your Reference or ID number in all correspondence.
Finally your winning must be claimed within 3weeks of this notice, therefore you have to contact us as soon as possible, so we can inform you of the procedures. All unclaimed funds will be cancelled as unclaimed and be included in the next promo. You are again encouraged to investigate this programme before proceeding for your claims.
Congratulations from our members of staff and thank you for being part of our programme.
Sincerely
MR MIKE ADENUGA
CEO GLO WORLD

EXAMPLE NUMBER 2:

Dear Friend,

I am Captain Nathanael James Doring of the US Marine Force on Monitoring and Peace –keeping mission in Baghdad-Iraq.

On the 30th day of April 2007, we were alerted on the sudden presence of some Terrorists camping in a suburb not too far from Karbala here in Iraq. After Immediate intervention, we captured three (3) of the Terrorists, twenty-six (26) were killed leaving seven (7) injured.

In the process of torture they confessed being rebels for late Ayman al-Zawahiri and took us to a cave in Karbala which served as their camp. Here we recovered several guns, bombs and other Ammunitions including some boxes among which two contains nuclear weapons, one filled with hard drugs(cocaine) and the other four to my amazement contain some US Dollars amounting to $10.2M after I and two of my junior intelligent officers counted
them.

I am in keen need of a “Reliable and Trustworthy” person like you who would receive, secure and protect these boxes containing the US Dollars for me up on till my assignment elapses in here in Iraq.

I assure and promise to give you 30% of this fund, however feel free to negotiate what you wish to have as your percentage in this business.

Please assure me of your keeping this top most secret to protect my job with the US Monitoring and Peace-Keeping mission. Contact me through my personal email maiilto:captnjdoring@hotmail.com

Sincere regards,
Capt. Nathanael J. Doring

DONT FALL PREY TO THESE STUPID SCAM! LEARN MORE WHAT IS NIGERIAN SCAM IN WIKIPEDIA!

I have received mails lately in my dada account from some users trying to lure me with the never dying, Nigerian Scam Letters. And was funny coz even here in dada.net community, those stupid are thriving.

Good thing for me coz i can spot what is scam just by reading the Subject or the first sentence of the letter. but sad thing for many because alot still doesn't know what it is...

What is a Nigerian Scam?
Nigerian Scam is a variation of  "advance fee fraud" which is a "confidence trick" in which the target is persuaded to ADVANCE a sums of money in the hope of realizing a much larger gain. It became notoriously known as the Nigerian scam because of the famous Nigerian Letter (or 419 fraud) and "The Spanish Prisoner" (please visit wikipedia for more info.

What are the Variations of this Nigerian Scam:

2) Invitation to visit the country - the letter will tell you that you are invited to visit the country as requested by high ranking government official. ( this is sooo scary! most of the victims ended up as kidnapped-for-ransome victims, and others MISSING)

3) Romance angle- yeah this is more common here in dada. many of us recieved these kind of letters for sure.

the letter would say that he/she (the sender) love your profile and it matched with his/her  profile. and he/she is willing to be your friend (and later lover).

and what is it with this scam? first friends, then few days later, lovers. and in just one week or so, the scammer will tell you:

"Hey Honey Do you have Money? send me some so i could use it for my visa"

or  in more convincing way

 "Hey honey, my relative/friend (or whatsoever)  will send me money. i need your help with it. can he send it to your bank account using online bank-to-bank transfer? then withdraw it and send it over to me? coz i need that money to pay for my visa application so we could be together?"
then because he/she is your lover, you will say yes.

This is the scam:
Most of these stupid scammers has alot of contacts dealing in  creditcard fraud. the money you'll recieve in your bank account is from a hacked/compromised bank account. Once you withdraw it, send it over to your lover, authorities will be knocking on your doorsteps. Your lover will be gone.

Hey, alot of victims here are middle aged men looking for a good relationship. beware of it. Check the person you've just met in online dating site or community sites. the picture that you are looking at, that funny blond, cute brunette, petit chic you got there might be a "laughing devil" after all.

Believe me. it is not a good Feeling being outsmarted that way.

For more of  Nigerian Scam Variants, Visit:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advance_fee_fraud

Simom Solomon was at the funeral of a good friend when one of the mourners remembered he owed the deceased $100.

“I am a man of his word” he said, putting ten $10 notes in the coffin.

This reminded another of the mourners. “I am also a man of my word,” coming forward and placing a $100 note in the coffin.

“I am also a man of conscience” said Simon “I too owe our late friend $100” So he wrote a cheque for $300, put it in the coffin and took out the $200 change.

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What did Saddam Hussein have in common with little Miss Muffett?  They both had curds in their way.

When the Russians were accused of being behind the assassination attempt on the Pope the KGB said they’d thoroughly investigate the matter.

After exhaustive interviews and countless viewing of video tapes it became clear that the Pope opened fire first

What’s the difference between a Scotsman and a coconut?

You can get a drink out of a coconut

“We’ve got a hundred Popes up here, but that’s the first lawyer”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

O’Brien was dying.

“Sister” he said, “call the vicar

“Don’t you want a priest?”

“No I want to become a Protestant,” said O’Brien.

“Better one of those bastards die instead of a good Catholic.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Look at you!” said one. “You must be eight months gone!”

“Yes “said the expectant mother, “but I finally went to a hypnotherapist.

“We tried that.” Said the first women. “My husband and I went for six sessions but it was no good.”

“You got to go alone,” whispered the pregnant one.

A tourist went to a famous restaurant in Mexico City

“What’s the special tonight? he asked.

“Poached gonads” said the waiter.

The waiter explained that they were the testicles of a bull that was slain in the ring that afternoon.

The tourist was adventurous, and had to agree that the poached gonads were tasty and satisfying.

Next evening he returned to the same restaurant and ordered baked gonads. On his way out, he complained to the manager about the two miserable testicles served up on his plate.

“Ah, senor” said the manager. “Sometimes the bull wins!”

---------------------------------

“Look at you!” said one. “You must be eight months gone!”

“Yes “said the expectant mother, “but I finally went to a hypnotherapist.

“We tried that.” Said the first women. “My husband and I went for six sessions but it was no good.”

“You got to go alone,” whispered the pregnant one.

----------------------------------

A journalist for “Woman’s Day’ was interviewing a mother who had fifteen children.

“And what are their names?” She asked.

“George,” she said.

“Journalist what their all named George.”

“But what if you want to call one in particular?”

“That’s easy.” Replied the mother, “I use their surnames.”

TONY BLAIR was walking along the riverbank when he slipped and fell in.

Three young lads walking behind him jumped in and pulled him out,

‘Thank you for saving my life’ said TONY. If there’s anything you would like to do that’s within my power just ask.’

The first lad said: ‘I would like to be on the bridge of an aircraft carrier and watch the planes take off and land.

Tony said: ‘I will arrange that.’

The second lad said: ‘I would like to fly in a fighter jet.’

‘OK,’ replied Tony, ‘I’ll fix that.’

The third said: ‘Id like a state funeral’

Why on earth would like one of those?’ asked Tony

The lad replied:

"U love someone"
U marry someone else.
The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband.
And the one u loved becomes the password of ur mail ID"
------------ ---
There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbor has it.
------------ ---
If someone says u r ugly, its ok, if someone says u r stupid, its ok,
If someone says u r a genius slap him as tight as you can cos there is limit
of kidding n someone just crossed it.
------------ ---
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
------------ ---
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is the liver & wife the
kidney.
If the liver fails, the kidney fails. If the kidney fails, the liver manages
with other kidney.

A lawyer was visiting Bangkok . He went to the most exclusive Escort Agency and asked if he could take Sue-Lin to dinner.

“Yes,” said the Madam.“ will cost you $300 for Sue-Lin’s company. No sex. And she must be back here at 11p.m.”

 Sue-Lin was the most beautiful Eurasian creature the lawyer had seen.

He wined her and dined her, but before returning her home, he gave her $1000. “This is a gift,” he said.

Sue-Lin told him that he was a wonderful and generous man.

“Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night ?” he asked. “Oh yes she replied. “I will cancel all my previous arrangements.”

So the next night, the lawyer wined and dined Sue-Lin again. He could not get over her beauty, and at the end of the evening, gave her another $1000.

and said , “Sue-Lin this is for you.” Sue-Lin was overcome with gratitude and had a tear in her eye. “You are the must generous person I have ever met,” she said.

“Would you come to dinner with me again tomorrow night ?” asked the lawyer.

“Of course I will!” said Sue-Lin. “I will do anything for such a kind man.”

So he wined and dined Sue-Lin  again, and took her back to her apartment, where he gave her another $1000.

This overwhelmed Sue-Lin. She fell into the lawyer’s arms and then onto the bed, where they made passionate love until three in the morning.

The lawyer told Sue-Lin that he had to leave as he was catching a plane for Sydney at six o’clock that morning.

“ Sydney ” said Sue-Lin. “You didn’t tell me you come from Sydney ! I have a sister who lives in Sydney !”

“Yes I know,” said the lawyer. “She sent you the three thousand Dollars.

Thought you might enjoy this interesting perspective,

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26,

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K >8+1+18+4+23+1 5+18+11 = 98%

And,

      K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E >11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

      A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E >1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

      B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T >21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

And, look how far ass kissing will take you:

      A-S-S--K-I-S-S-I-N-G >1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that: While Hard work and

Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there,

Bullshit and Ass Kissing will put you over the top!

Well, definitely is.

This Day will be the Best day!

Http://www.askzarth.com

You will make MORE money today.

HTTP://WWW.ASKZARTH.COM